Again?

yes, this is the actual nail they pulled out of his leg, not some picture I pulled off the web.

So my Daddy shot himself with a nail gun again.

This time he was nailing up some ceiling joists in his new shop and when he was coming down the ladder, it went off.

He sort of just stood there so I asked him if he shot himself again.  He said "Yeah" in his slow drawl, like it was no big deal.  Right about then, the boy who swims started to panic and run around hollering, "Call 911!".  We got him calmed down and I told him that I would just drive Daddy to the emergency room.  Dynomite stayed surprisingly calm and helped get him into my truck.  When he was getting him situated, we remembered to take the 45 out of Daddy's pants.  Emergency Rooms don't usually like you to come packing.

Dynomite put the gun in Daddy's truck and he and the Boy who swims stayed with the little girls who were there while I drove to the hospital.  I drove like a bat of hell and didn't see one stinking cop.  Of course every other time I may be driving a little faster than I am supposed to, there are police everywhere.  I just wanted to be able to answer YES just once when they asked me, "Mam, is there some emergency I need to know about?"

I pulled into the Emergency drive and asked for someone to help me get Daddy into the wheel chair.  He said it actually didn't hurt unless he moved his leg much.  Cause that's where he shot himself this time.  In the thigh.  They helped him in and I went to park my truck.

I have been to that emergency room so many times it's not funny and I have never ever been given such prompt service.  By the time I got parked, they already had Daddy in a room with his jeans cut up the leg.  I go in for a migraine and sit for an hour, vomiting in a trash can.  Mention the words 'shot in the leg' and you may or may not be given preferential treatment.

They gave him some pain meds and then just grabbed that sucker and pulled.  It was in so deep, it was dimpled in his thigh.  Luckily for Daddy, it went in at an angle and didn't hit the bone.  He's gotten lucky every time he has managed to shoot himself and missed the bone.  We had to stay long enough to take x-rays and get a bag of fluids and meds into him.  They gave him a pretty big dose of antibiotics, something to dull the ache and some tetanus to make sure he didn't get lock jaw.

Meanwhile, I called the boy who swims and told him to take the 45 out of Daddy's truck and lock it in the office so he could drive the other kids home in Daddy's truck.  I didn't want him getting pulled over and having to explain why there was a glock under the five year old's seat in the back.

We went back that night to get the gun, but we still haven't managed to get the last two nails in that ceiling joist.  I told Daddy he'd have to do it the old fashioned way, with a hammer and nails.

Napoleon Complex

This little guy weighs 15 pounds.  Maybe only 13 pounds now that he got his new haircut.  I don't know what's going on, but I think the buzz cut went to his head and he thinks he's some bad ass now.  Because he won't leave this big dumb goof alone.

This guy weighs 115 pounds.  And yet he cowers in fear when approached by Sam.  You outweigh him by 100 pounds you idiot!  Quit letting him bite you in the ear and cry like a little baby.  I'm tired of pulling him off of you.  Stand up for yourself!

Brokeback bunnies

Y'all remember when we go these cuties?  Yes, they are still hopping, happy and well fed.  When they are little, it's kind of hard to tell if they are girls or boys.  We didn't care, we just wanted some cute little bunnies. My daddy looked at them and told me they were both girls.  So Mittens and Buttons were christened.

And then we found out my Daddy was incorrect.  Don't get me wrong, it could be way worse.  We could have one girl and one boy and therefore, many more bunnies that we originally anticipated.  But instead, we have two boy bunnies.  And for some reason, they are going all brokeback mountain over in that hutch.  How in the world do you explain to a five year old that her cute little girl bunny is actually a horny little boy bunny and he wants to get his business on with another boy bunny?  We are going to separate them soon because one boy bunny didn't want to play the other day so horny bunny bit him. 

 Down there. 

There was blood.

And when the girls saw, there were also tears.  The fireman checked them both out and calmed the girls down.  Buttons stopped bleeding eventually.  Or mittens, I don't know who is who.

This picture was used in a new book on raising backyard rabbits.  The Tornado was totally excited to be in a book.  When she found out they actually paid her?  You couldn't contain her excitement.

What did she buy?

A new tiara.

The girl has priorities.

Three down, four to go

This boy got his driver's license today.  He's sort of camera shy.

Hands on the wheel, boy!  Ten and two!

This makes a total of three teenage boys on my auto insurance plan.  Which blows, by the way.  I'm looking at getting a job just to pay for the car insurance.  Speaking of insurance and blowing, we have a massive windstorm today and we just lost our back fence.  We have a crazy high deductible for wind and hail storms.  I hate insurance.

Overreaction?

My garden is going full tilt right now.

Garden?

Yes, garden.  In Central Texas, we can garden almost all year long.  Our off season is actually July-September because it's too stinking hot to grow anything but okra.

Anyway, I have a lovely bunch of beets that is ready to pull.  Last night I pulled up six or seven and oven roasted them.  When you wrap them in foil, then bake them, the skins slip right off.  I love roasted beets.  And pickled beets.  And kale with beets.

You get the picture, right?

I love beets.

So you would think I knew better today than to freak out when I went to the bathroom and determined that I was now dying from colon cancer.

Yep, red.  Very, very red.  It passes, unlike colon cancer.

Wonderful Weekend

Normally, one would not consider spending four and a half hours each way in a car with four kids a wonderful way to spend the weekend.  But it was worth it.  Because I got to see my mom, my granny, three of my aunts, and a whole bunch of cousins and nieces and nephews.

The icing on the cake?  I also got to see the SGG.  All four of us were together again.  It was so good to get to see everyone and relax for the whole weekend.

I know I haven't been around a lot lately, but I'm back with a vengeance.

Probably.

Christmas Eve Confessional

confession time.

I'm tired of Santa.

Deep down, I really wish someone would rat out the fat ole elf to my little ones so I didn't have to do the whole Santa thing anymore.

Before you get all hateful and stuff, just hear me out.  I have done this for 19 years.  I have always had a little one who believed, so I have to make all the older ones keep up the charade with me.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find enough stuff to fill a stocking for a 19 year old boy without spending his entire Christmas budget?  Not just a 19 year old boy, now add on an 18 year old boy, a 16 year old boy, a 15 year old boy, a 13 year old girl, a 9 year old girl. and a 5 year old girl.  Ok, the girls dont' really count.  They are super easy.

Plus, why does Santa get all the credit for all the good presents?  I'm the one who has been shopping for weeks.  He just sits around on his butt while all the little elves do all the work.

Enough complaining.

I'm off to finish wrapping so the kids can tear it all off in less than 24 hours.

Ba Humbug